He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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