god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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