SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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