WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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