The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
