Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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