I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
