Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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