hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
