I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Randomize
