In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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