Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
