Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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