I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
