i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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