i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
