Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
