found the other keg... it's in the tree
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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