you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think i have herpe
just one?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
