Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
