remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
