I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
