why didn't you poke me back
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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