I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She's not a foreskin expert like you
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
