you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
