I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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