I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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