Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
