im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
