We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
