That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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