I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
