sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
