Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
