Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
