Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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