You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
