Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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