I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
