Dual....:-)
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
