I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
