I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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