Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
