only you would photoshop your dick
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just want nice things and good sex
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
