i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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