Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
