Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
