as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
