Plan B is the new Plan A
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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