I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
