Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
