I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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