I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
