his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Someone signed my nipple.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
