i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
