and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just made out with a guy for $7.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
foreskin is a definite game changer
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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