i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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