Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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