One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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