Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
