glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
